you know what peeves me? men. but thats a typical woman issue isn't it? oh well. every relationship i've ever been in has gone sour, or at least just petered out, lost all its intrigue, within three months.  i'm not sure why. maybe its natures way of saying, "thats not the one." i don't know. three months. thats not along time. there was only one that never lost its spark, at least not for me. my high school sweety. but we went to different high schools, that was the problem, so things didn't work out. i haven't seen him in almost five years.
in all those relationships you hit the "comfort zone." after a certain point you can tell them anything. all your secrets, etc etc. ever notice that?? relationship after relationship. its always the same up until a point. and then you lose you trust in people. and those relationships get harder. the big question is, can you love someone you don't trust? even if its just a little bit? the trust slowly turns into doubt, and the doubt begins to fade from time to time. but what if it never really goes away? ::sigh:: men.
and when you find that one guy you want to spend the rest of you life with, and time goes by. almost a year. things never fade, or peter out, or settle down. you never lose that giddy school girl feeling for him. but you still can't tell him all your secrets. you still have trouble telling him how you feel, because you've never felt quite like this. you begin to live off that one instinct, to be with him. to hold him. the feel him. all you want in you life if him. and suddenly you begin to wonder what the future holds for the two of you. everyone else around you is fullfilling their futures. marrige. children. but what about you? still young, but only so many years left. should you talk about that? or is it too soon? you suddenly realize that you want all those things in your life. how do you say it? does he feel the same too? or are you just the person he settled with? are you a settlement? why doesn't he express how he feels about you? the only thing you ever hear is, "i care about you alot." after 10 and 11 months is that all he has to say? how can you bear your soul to someone who won't bear their own? how can you be sure that that one time you said, "i love you" wasn't thrown out the window. it makes you afraid to say it again.
have you ever said, "i love you" and really, really ment it, but you didnt' hear it back? laying in bed every night while he slept, wondering if he'll ever feel that way back. forcing yourself to accept that you love someone who doesn't feel that same for you. knowing that there will always be someone else in their life. but thats a discussion for another day...